Coping Mechanisms

As someone who struggles with anxiety and depression, I’ve never been very comfortable with my own negative emotions. I often feel like I’m one sad thought away from a monsoon. I was always the emotional one picked on for my sensitivity and lack of strength. Although I’ve come to terms with this vulnerability and the strength that comes from sympathizing with both the joy and sadness in this world, it’s not easy to feel the weight of the world on your shoulders. One moment of stress feels like a boulder on my back stacked on top of the various other rocks that have attached themselves to me throughout a typical and seemingly mundane day. 

I say all this not to identify myself as someone who bears more than their fair share of the world. I’m sure many of you feel it too, but have found that you are able to fully detach yourself from the stress and woes of being human. We all have our coping mechanisms. After a tough day it’s not uncommon to have glass of wine to wind down after the kids have gone off to bed, or heck even if they haven’t! But what if our coping mechanisms slowly seeped their way into every waking moment? What if we found ourselves reaching for the bottle after every minuscule moment of stress. A sip after fighting our kid over what to wear to school. A sip on the way to work as you think about how much is on the calendar. A sip during lunch after a stressful sit-down with your boss. A sip on the way home after a call from your child’s teacher. And on and on and on. What if the bottle never left your hand? I’ve never been an addict, or so I thought until I considered how I “coped” with the daily and seemingly small stresses of life. 

You see there is something many of us carry with us at all times to cope with these daily stresses… our phones. And all the entertainment and distraction they have to offer. 5 minute toddler tantrum - 5 minutes of social media to “destress”. One annoying comment from my spouse - 10 minutes of social media to avoid dealing with the conflict. At least that’s a pretty good representation of my day anyway. I’ve never been good at sitting with negative emotions. Therefore, I’ll look for any outlet to avoid them. I think many of us have trained our brains this way without even realizing it. 

It was only this past week reading a book about Christian motherhood that I realized I was putting my hope in my hands instead of in Christ. Instead of looking to Jesus for comfort, I was looking at my phone. Instead of praying for guidance, I was googling answers. I know that detaching myself completely from our perpetually media driven world isn’t realistic, but I want to slowly retrain my brain to deal with the frustration of a fallen world with a perfect God instead of a man-made device. That’s not to say I won’t still google why my 2 year old isn’t sleeping, but hopefully I’ll pray about it too.